Was I Really This Addicited??

addiction

Gd Saturday all, hope you are enjoying this day. I’m pretty lazy today, but I have lots of stuff I need to get done. Last night was a success, I enjoyed having a sober night out with my girls. Who knew that life could be just as fun without alcohol? Speaking of that, I was getting ready for my event last night and changing my wig, lol! I went with the short look, since I wanted to be kind of sassy. Anyway, as I was going through my hair box, (place where I keep all my hair) I ran across these mini bottles that I hid. I was shock when I found them. Was I really this addicted to alcohol? Did I need it so bad that I had to hide it? All the pain I caused from my use came rushing back to me. The lying, the screaming, the black outs! This is so embarrassing and sad; I really didn’t know I was addicted or did I? I don’t think I really wanted to admit it! Mini bottles stashed all over the place, where no one could see. I was becoming so depended on alcohol, and I didn’t see it. Others saw it, but not me!  This is not a life I wanted to live, I want to have fun without drinking so damn much. I appreciated my friends who are drinking water and sweet tea when I’m around. It’s been really hard not to think of drinking, especially when I’m feeling so sad thinking about my son. I just didn’t see myself as an alcoholic, hell I saw my whole family drink when I was small. Every one of the adults seemed fine, the weekend came they would drink and be sober on Monday. What’s the problem? I didn’t start drinking until I was 24 years old, and at that time it was pretty much weekend fun. I’d go to work all week, but would unwind on Saturday. Now when I look back, it wasn’t as sociable as I thought it was. Life began to get harder and alcohol was easier to get. I drank to feel good, then it was to numb the pain after being married to an ass. Drinking just didn’t seem so bad, then I just started to drink because it took all the pain away and I didn’t have to think of my problems. After that, my alcoholism just went downhill from there. Alcohol became food, I drank the first thing in the morning and late at night. How come I didn’t see this before, how did I let myself get so far gone? I’m so ashamed and embarrassed that I couldn’t manage my life without it. Stay tuned….

 

Ms. Fran                                                    pic of me

(The hair I went with)

 

 

 

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, 𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋

3 thoughts on “Was I Really This Addicited??

  1. That looks cute! And no need to be ashamed NOW for what you did then. I’d say to have compassion for who you were that had such a hard time that you felt you had to rely on drinking. I’d say be proud that you stopped.

    I don’t drink, and love to go out with friends who are fine when I don’t drink. I’m glad you had some sober girlfriends to go with.

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