Happy Holidays ya’ll, it’s Saturday and I haven’t gotten any shopping done for the rest of my friends and family. I have decided to just shop online and be done with it. My anxiety is too much for the crowds out there in the malls, but everybody looks so happy to be spending all their damn money, lol! Well I manage to make it through the end of the week without falling completely apart. Both of my groups this week were very helpful, and I had dinner with my Ivory my sweet friend. He constantly lets me just rant and go on without telling me to shut up, lol! I’m trying to keep really busy as the time counts down, I have some orders for bracelets, I’m putting together a new FB group and working on lots of new things for 2018. I was even thinking of hosting a little late night dinner with my mom and sister, but that idea just went straight pass me. I really don’t want to be alone this year, I feel like if I’m left alone I will melt down. I need some laughter in my life, but my mom and sister work my damn nerve. The more I’m around my mom, the worse I feel. I don’t know if I mentioned that I hired her to work with me in the afternoons twice a week. Once again trying to take care somebody when I’m fortunate enough to share. She really needs the extra cash and I try to get her out the house more, but I just can’t bear to be around her for too long. I love her to death, but when I see her life style I’m just so depressed. She’s only 63 years old and acts like she’s 75, mom doesn’t come her hair, put on clothes, or even get out and date. It makes me sad, that I have one parent I’m taking care of already and now I feel like I’m doing the same with her, just wish she would get herself together. I keep thinking if I’m constantly around them, I will never be more than I am right now. You all know my story, and that I have started doing things a lot late in life, but I don’t want to be pulled back in. Don’t want to be pulled in to that, ‘I’m just ok life’! I just want so much more, and I’m not going to let my circumstances hold me back. They just seem the same way from year to year, and I’m just so scared that they want to let me go. I told my hubby that I wanted to find someone or my sister to take care of dad, so me and him can move to another state. The only thing is dad probably would be crushed if I did that. That’s another topic, I feel so stuck with him even though he’s not living with me anymore. Oh well not going to bore you all with my sadness. So wishing you all a great Saturday, chat soon….