And It Continues๐Ÿ˜”

Instead of 4 in the morning, it’s 3! Been up for hours now crying my eyes out. Is this a joke, could God just be teasing me? Things were going so good for me, then all of sudden. Sadness, despair, hopeless, and guilt starts to come around again. Do these feeling ever go away? I’m constantly following and reading self help books, scriptures, but nothing. One minute I’m on cloud 9, thinking to myself, “I can finally get past this”. I don’t care much how you pray, believe, or worship. God has His own timing and all you can do is wait. I guess I don’t blame Him this time, because I feel like a fool for thinking I was headed on a road to recovery. I’m back crying, having sleepless nights, and not eating like I should. I have abandoned all my projects I started, because I figure what’s the fucking use?!!! I’m back to the same failure of a person I see in the mirror everyday and basically with the way things are going, it shows too. I’m not going to lie that suicide hasn’t back into my mind. I mean what’s the use? God is waking me everyday just to get by. I’m just a mere existence, and for what? I feel like I’m losing it all over again, trying to hang in there for my son. In a couple of weeks we will learn his fate, and the way my life is going I believe God will take him away from me. That will be my undoing, I couldn’t live with myself if something happens to my son. Mannnn…I’ve seen so many bad days. I just decided this is another year, that’s not my year….I GIVE UP.

Ms. Fran๐Ÿ˜”

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. Iโ€™m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, ๐“ž๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ฟ๐“ฒ๐“ช ๐“‘. ๐“ข๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“น๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ญ ๐Ÿ’‹

11 thoughts on “And It Continues๐Ÿ˜”

  1. Ms. Fran, please do not give up. When we totally give up (suicide) we do not win, God does not win, only the Devil wins, and His prize is the Soul for eternity. Don’t ever let that Butt Head win!!! Please.

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