Sunday Thoughts!

Good morning, I sit here at my computer in so much pain. Pain in my heart, brain and body. I can’t understand how I got to this place. I’m no longer the happy, cheeerful, funny lady. This diease has a mind of it’s own. I spent all day in bed yesterday only getting up to walk the dog. I lay down staring at the cieling, imaging another life other than this one. I can’t explain my emotions, feeling trapped in this weak body. Last week was really difficult for me, as I try to encourage others I fail to take my on advice. Then Friday night came, and I drank more than I should have. I haven’t learn yet how to cope with day to day life. The meds seem to work okay, I haven’t had any thoughts of harming myself. I guess a good thing right??? I can’t help but think, WHY ME???? I let a whole Saturday go by without stepping outside to enjoy the sun. My room is dark like some of my thoughts. I feel like a vampire. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to shake this crazy feeling running through my mind. I have no strength or motivation to do anything, I feel stuck. I can’t wait for the day that I feel better. I believe there is more for me than this. I know that this disease doesn’t define me. I’m trying, I really am. I’m sorry my family doesn’t understand how the smallest things can leave me feeling terrified, overwhelmed and out of control. I feel alone, like no one truly understands how I feel. I feel like a burden, a constant worry for my friends and family. I promise I hear the, “you will be fine”, or “we are for you”. Hearing those things makes me feel good for a little while, then after that I go back into that crazy world of self-doubt. I KNOW I’m trying, and desperately want to be well, brave and strong. Someday it will be a reality, until then I will be still and wait for this to pass.

Ms. Fran (Depressive Diva)


Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, 𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋

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