It Has To Get Better!

It’s about 2:45 a.m. and we are at a rest stop to get some sleep. Tuesday didn’t go so well with my son, he is now facing jail time after accepting a plea. I can’t tell you all the pain I felt, seeing my son, my baby boy, take a grown man deal. There was nothing I could do for him, nothing at all. As me and his baby’s mom sat there in tears, I felt like such a failure as a mom. I felt embarrassed, hurt, alone, and scared. His dad didn’t even try to make the damn trip, once again like always the burden was on me. Feeling like the scared 19 year old, when I first had him. I didn’t know what to do then or now. How did he get himself in this mess, some mess that will now forever ruin in his life??? My heart aches so bad, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I feel like giving up. How much more can I take??? Since 2014, nothing but bad, sad news everyday and year. I just don’t understand what good can come out of this. Where is the positive in all this? Why do things continue to fall on my lap? Where did I go wrong in life? Why am I being punished so? I guess I don’t understand when or how life will get better for me. I’m tired, exhausted, frustrated, depressed and disappointed. Disappointed in myself, my life, and how I let things get out of hand. How can I go on? Everybody say I have to be strong for my son, but damn I’m tired! He like my dad, didn’t consider how this would affect me at all. Everybody walks around like, oh she will be ok! No, I’m not ok!!! I’m tired!! Tired of holding everybody problems in my hand. What I can’t understand is why God is allowing this? Why can’t I catch a break? It has to get better, but when???  Maybe the only peace and rest I’ll get is when I’m dead and gone. Chat soon….

Ms. Fran

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. Iโ€™m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, ๐“ž๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ฟ๐“ฒ๐“ช ๐“‘. ๐“ข๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“น๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ญ ๐Ÿ’‹

5 thoughts on “It Has To Get Better!

  1. Maybe it is like in the Footsteps poem- in the darkest times when you only see one set of footprints it is actually that he is carrying you- and you will get stronger, and you can carry on. One day at a time, one breath at a time. That’s easy to say as I am not in your situation, but we all face our own dark times. Keep writing. Be a beacon for others who may face similar troubles as you, and may you find some peace and rest soon.

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  2. Ms. Fran, sending you and your son so much love and Light. So glad you are asking the questions you are. This seems so real, honest, and self-honoring to me. Hang in there. I am seeing you enfolded in love ๐Ÿ’– Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading, I’m trying my best to take it one day at a time! Thanks for the encouragement ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

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