Trying to Forgive is Hard, should I have to?

Hey there, hope all of you are well tonight. Needed to get something off my chest….have you ever hated someone so bad it hurts????? I mean I have disliked this person for several years and literally I have prayed about it. This person is a thorn in my side and no one really knows this, I don’t know if it’s small of me to keep hating this person. I’m fine as long as I don’t see them, but then others come around and mention their name and what they do. I just want to scream……I don’t know if I should share in writing what I wish I could do to them, lol don’t want to leave a trail. I need advice bad, because tonight I just had a panic attack thinking about this person. I know I should forgive and I have, it’s just my crazy brain won’t let up. 

“We punish other people for the same mistake a thousands times. Every time it comes in your memory, you judge them again and punish them again.” -Miguel Angel Ruiz

This quote is exactly how my brain feels, I keep reliving all the shit I went through with this person, it’s like being tortured all over again even though the torturer is gone bye-bye. I know this is time-consuming, but just for a little minute I get so damn angry. I guess I’m pissed off because this person seriously doesn’t think they did anything wrong. That shit eats my spirit up inside, how can they be so incredibly cocky about what went down. I just want to banish them from my kingdom, never to be seen again. LOL ok yall know I had to make myself laugh to keep from killing somebody. I really want to move passed this, but I can’t. Forgiveness seems so impossible and shit I’m tired of people beating up on me because I’m FABULOUS. Shit this goes out to my family and my supposed to be friends, no longer will I let people into my life to tear down my soul. I have to finally start taking care of me, and if that means leaving people behind shit BYE FELICIA….

Whoo, that felt good….if I had a cocktail that would have hit the spot, lol!!! Oh well off to bed I go and yes I will continue to pray about this person and the situation. Chat soon…..

Depressive Diva (Ms. Fran)

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, 𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋

One thought on “Trying to Forgive is Hard, should I have to?

  1. I had a therapist once who told me that he doesn’t think you can forgive someone who doesn’t want to be forgiven. He suggested I just accept what I was feeling, allow them to be valid, but then move on.

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