Going To Be Honest!

Hello bloggers, I’m sitting at my desk in my new room (my sons old room) and I really like being in here. It saddens me a little, because my baby boy is all grown up and I feel like I just threw him out. Oh well it’s cute in here and the other room has a nice full futon and he can enjoy that room, I’m just hoping it motivates him to become a better person than I did at his age. See I didn’t have any role models or any guidance  at his age, I was already a teen mom working 3 jobs. There was really no one I looked up to and not a soul  taught me about saving money or keeping your credit good. I started writing this blog so that it could help me with my depression and anxiety, meeting new people and building a fan base of people who needed to hear my story. So now I’m going to be completely honest with you all, see I failed to mention the reason why I am still currently unemployed is because I have a criminal past. I got my degree in Early Childcare and have worked two amazing places, yes I had to leave the last job because I was the only caretaker for my dad.

Well hubby has been getting on me lately about working, now that we have settled that dispute but I didn’t want to tell him that having those CDV’s were a BIG problem on my background. Criminal Domestic Violence, 3 counts of it and plenty of assault and batteries along with several disorderly conducts. These charges are all about 7 to 15 years old, but the shame off getting my fingerprints done and having to explain that to multiple employers is hell.  So I have been applying for many jobs and I know I’m a damn good teacher but just like depression I don’t like having people look at me like I’m some deranged person.  For so many years of owning a business, I really didn’t have to explain all that crazy shit that was on my record, hell I clean so damn good they could care less. Anyway I have been real busy keeping my mind from going into crazy land, but the place where I had the interview last week is still waiting on fingerprints to come back. I just feel some type of way about that, I know my past doesn’t define me but when you hear for so long about what you “use to do” it kind of sticks in your head. Some people are like tornado’s they try to keep sucking you back in and I have to stop feeling guilty for keeping  these storms away from me. Well I feel a little better now, I have people thinking I shouldn’t tell all my business to people about me being molested or how sick I really am. See they feel like keeping these things secret somehow makes them go away, but they don’t and I will no longer spend my life in hiding. Like I have said in previous post my experiences in life changed me for the better and I’m grateful I was able to get thorough them successfully. I can’t imagine continuing to go through life living a lie, it just takes too much time to be deceitful. Being an open book has been really therapeutic for me and I think I will continue on this journey. Well I have said enough, about to sip me a cocktail and lay it down! I need to catch up on some thinking and finish this damn book. Toodles sweet friends!

Ms, Fran

 

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, 𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋

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