On Saturday August 6th, I received my Bachelors in Community and Organizational Leadership and of course I was super excited. Then it happened, my depressed brain starts to get carried away with its on little thoughts on how I should feel. My brain has good and bad days, but I just want to feel the good. I woke up on Saturday full of hope and excitement and by the end of the day I was ready to cry and for what. I can’t shake this psychotic brain thing, what happened to the old one I use to have? Some days are better than others but I get so mad that something like getting my degree makes me so freaking sad. I worked my crazy little ass off and I have no feeling about it what so ever, NOTHING!!!! GOT MY DEGREE, NOW WHAT? I feel like this is so unfair and why does it have to happen to me? Depression should be against the law and no one should have to live with this type of brain. And what pisses me off the most is this damn depression comes and goes when it wants to. How has it taken over my brain like it has? I get no say so at all, my head aches, body aches and I can’t even find motivation to even write this post. I prayed for this degree, I wanted this degree and now it just sits they’re looking at me. Things are rough inside this brain and I’m on some type of mission to cure myself but that stresses me out just as much. I guess accomplishing all those goals didn’t change the way my brain feels. I was hopeless before now I’m hopeless with 2 degrees, good grief!:( Been moping around since Saturday and trying to figure this damn thing out, WHAT NOW??? I have so many fights with myself about everything I want to accomplish then I take a shower and lay down. Nothing gets done and my goals continue to seem so damn far away! There are so many hard parts to this depression thing but I promise to get through it!!!!
Published by Olivia B. Shepherd
Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, 𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋 View more posts