Good on outside, hopeless on the inside!

Living with depression isn’t fun and everyday I wish I could run far far away, where do I go? Who do I tell? I sat on the beach last week and I all I could think about  was what’s  on the other side and if people are depressed over there. Do they go through what I go through and do they have any support?  Having so many people look at me thinking, “she doesn’t look depress”, or “she has it to good”! My husband mention yesterday that homeless people are depressed. What and I can’t be? How does depression look? Should I be walking around without my eyelashes, my hair done and cute clothes.? Would you believe me if I wore a head scarf all day and sweat pants, I mean depression doesn’t have a way you should look button. I hurt a lot on the inside and NO I can’t just snap out of it! If that was the case there would be a lot less suicidal people in the world. Hey what can I say, I’m suppose this strong black woman but on the inside I feel like a frail child stuck in a corner, scared to come out. Some think depression is sadness, crying, and dressing in black with sunglasses on my face. Nope, you are wrong depression is the state of feeling hopeless all the damn time despite your circumstances. Waking up in the morning ready for the day, all to look outside and go right back to bed. Depression is hard to explain, and I try to explain it everyday with no sense of why it hit my doorstep! I put on makeup, do my hair and put on the cutest summer dress, but underneath all of that NOTHING! All dolled up, feeling disgusted inside like I just want to run and hide. Strong Black Woman, nope it’s not me not now!

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others. I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community. I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness. I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future. Look forward to having you read my blog, 𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋

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